Jargon Buster

🖼️ Helldesk Rules Jargon Buster

Jargon	Definition
AOL	Anti On-Line
BASIC	Bill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control
CD-ROM	Consumer Device Rendered Obsolete in Months
COMPUTER	Capable Of Making Perfectly Uncomplicated Tasks Extremely Rigorous
DILLIGAF	Do I Look Like I Give A Monkey's - or something like that…
DOS	Defective Operating System
EU	End User
FUBAR	Messed Up Beyond All Recognition - or something like that…
IBM	I Blame Microsoft
ID Ten T error	ID Ten T = If you’re fed up telling your EU’s that the problem was caused by user error just tell them it was an ID Ten T error and get them to write it down and they’ll soon see what you are saying – ID10T
IPOD	Ignoring Present Obscene Demand
ISDN	It Still Does Nothing
LART	Luser Attitude Readjustment Tool. Typically consisting of a large object (such as a 2x4 piece of wood or a large pen) which is applied (with force) to anyone causing the Helldesk Operator more grief than they would normally expect.
LUSER	Local User - a non-technical person who uses a computer. It can also be used to describe someone's user account privileges - i.e. as opposed to being a Power User or Administrator they can have Luser Privileges.
MAC	Most Absurd Computer
MCSE	Minesweeper Consultant & Solitaire Expert
MICROSOFT	Most Intelligent Customers Realise Our Software Only Fools Teenagers
MIPS	Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed
PCMCIA	People Can't Memorise Computer Industry Acronyms
PEBKAC	Problem Exists Between Keyboard And Chair
PENTIUM	Produces Erroneous Numbers Through Incorrect Understanding of Mathematics
PICNIC	Problem In Chair Not In Computer
SCSI	System Can't See It
SNAFU	Systems Normal All Messed Up EU's seem surprised when their computer goes wrong or one of the hundreds of systems that the IT Department look after stop working why do they not know that Sh!t Happens and this is normal?!
SNMP	Security Not My Problem
SSDD	Same Sh!t Different Day - a typical answer to anyone asking how a Helldesk Operators day is going.
WINDOWS	Will Install Needless Data On Whole System
WWW	World Wide Wait