Helldesk Rules Handbook Quiz

 Helldesk Rules Handbook Quiz: Certified Mayhem Edition

Instructions:
Choose the least wrong answer. Or don’t. Points are awarded arbitrarily. Cheating is encouraged if it speeds things up.

1. What’s the correct response when a user says “My computer isn’t working”?

  1. “Have you tried sacrificing a USB stick to the tech gods?”
  2. “Let me remote in and make it worse.”
  3. “Sounds like a you problem.”
  4. “I’ll escalate this to someone who cares.”

2. The Helldesk motto is:

  1. “We fix things eventually.”
  2. “Chaos is our business model.”
  3. “Turning tickets into trauma since 1997.”
  4. “Please hold while we pretend to help.”

3. What’s the proper attire for a Helldesk technician?

  1. Pajamas and passive aggression
  2. A cape made of Ethernet cables
  3. Branded polo shirt with coffee stains
  4. Hazmat suit for dealing with Outlook

4. When faced with a printer jam, the first step is:

  1. Cry
  2. Blame the intern
  3. Summon the ancient toner spirit
  4. Reboot the building

5. What does “Have you tried turning it off and on again?” really mean?

  1. “I have no idea what I’m doing.”
  2. “This is the only spell I know.”
  3. “I’m contractually obligated to ask.”
  4. “I’m hoping this ends the conversation.”

6. What’s the Helldesk approach to documentation?

  1. Scribbles on a napkin
  2. A wiki last updated in 2012
  3. “Ask Dave, he remembers stuff”
  4. A locked PDF with no search function

7. How do you close a ticket?

  1. Mark it as “resolved” and run
  2. Blame network latency
  3. Reassign it to another department
  4. Delete it and deny everything

8. What’s the official Helldesk response to a user clicking a phishing link?

  1. “Congratulations, you’ve won a virus!”
  2. “We’ll need to reimage your soul.”
  3. “That’s going in the training slideshow.”
  4. “You’ve activated our ransomware loyalty program.”

Bonus Question:

What is the true meaning of Helldesk?

☐ A beacon of hope in a sea of despair
☐ A lifestyle choice
☐ A cry for help disguised as tech support
☐ All of the above, and somehow less

No comments:

Post a Comment

Featured post

Rule Number 1 - The Senior Helldesk Operator Is Always Right

The person in charge of the Helldesk is always right (and wrong if they want to be for amusement purposes). If people choose not to listen t...