Helldesk Rules Employee Handbook (Printable Redacted Version)

Confidential. For internal chaos only.

Section 1: Core Responsibilities

• Reboot all systems. Even the ones not connected.
• Blame the user. If unavailable, blame ████████.
• Escalate tickets to the ██████████████.
• Maintain eye contact with the server until it submits.

Section 2: Surveillance Policy

All activity is monitored. Monitoring is monitored. The monitor is monitored.

Surveillance logs are stored in ████████████████████████.

Section 3: Emergency Protocol

1. Panic.
2. Blame the intern.
3. Submit a ticket to yourself. Ignore it.
4. Activate Protocol ██-██.

Section 4: Termination Clause

Employment ends when you become the error.

Final evaluation conducted by Daemon.exe.

Signature

I, the undersigned, acknowledge that I have read, misunderstood, and agreed to the above terms.

Signed: ___________________________

Date: ___ / ___ / 20__