Helldesk Rule 35 - Do not Open The Can

Helldesk Rule 35 - Do not Open The Can - www.helldeskrules.com [X]

Only ask questions that you want to know the answer to else the can of worms may be opened.

Do not open the can.  Do not shake the can.  Do not acknowledge the can.  The worms are listening..

Helldesk Rule 34 - Hot Glue Fixes everything

Helldesk Rule 34 - Hot Glue Fixes Everything - www.helldeskrules.com [X]

Apply Heat Until Compliance Is Achieved.

Laptop hinges? Fused. Ribbon connector damaged by a technician initiating a repair? Reborn. Technician shame? Sealed beneath a glossy polymer crust.

If it melts, it bonds. If it smokes, you're holding it wrong!

Helldesk Jokes - Knock Knock Compliance

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Compliance.

Compliance who?

Compliance requires you to pretend this joke was funny.

Rule Number 33 - The Beverage Risk Index

Rule Number 33 - The Beverage Risk Index - www.helldeskrules.com [X]

The likelihood of a catastrophic spill increases with beverage viscosity and proximity to mission-critical hardware.

Coffee near keyboards? That’s a Tier 1 incident waiting to happen.

Helldesk Jokes - Knock Knock Firewall

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Karen.

Karen who?

Karen the Firewall. She blocked this joke for security reasons!

Helldesk Rule 32 - Password Policy

Rule Number 32 - Password Policy - www.helldeskrules.com [X]

All passwords must contain at least one regret, two apologies, and a silent scream.

Helldesk Jokes - Knock Knock 404

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

404.

404 who?

404 punchline not found. Please contact your administrator.

Rule Number 31 - DO NOT KNOCK. EVER!

Rule Number 31 - DO NOT KNOCK. EVER! - www.helldeskrules.com [X]

If you can physically reach the door, you can digitally submit a ticket.

Knocking implies urgency, humanity, and a desire for resolution — all of which violate Helldesk protocol.

Tickets exist to buffer your chaos, dilute your intent and ensure your request is safely ignored in chronological order.

Helldesk Jokes - Live Chat Feature

Q: Why does the Helpdesk have a live chat feature?

A: The 2 students on work experience have to have something to do!

Rule Number 30 - The Vampire Update Principle

Rule Number 30 - The Vampire Update Principle - www.helldeskrules.com [X]

System updates only strike when you’re vulnerable: 15:29 PM, Friday, full moon.

“Do not turn off your computer” is code for “cancel your weekend plans.”

Helldesk Rules Tarot Cards - The SLA Wraith

Rule Number 29 - The Printer Paradox

Rule Number 29 - The Printer Paradox - www.helldeskrules.com [X]

The more urgent the print job, the more likely the printer will demand a blood sacrifice.

“Paper jam” is Latin for “your meeting is doomed.”

Helldesk Rules Tarot Cards - The Fire Drill Principle

Rule Number 28 - The Legacy Curse

Rule Number 28 - The Legacy Curse - www.helldeskrules.com [X]

Every legacy system is protected by ancient magic and one retired engineer who lives in a cave.

Touch nothing. Speak in COBOL.

Helldesk Rules Tarot Cards - The Code Writhes

Rule Number 27 - The Frozen Cursor Law

Rule Number 27 - The Frozen Cursor Law - www.helldeskrules.com [X]

If the cursor freezes, users will click harder. Then louder. Then scream.

The mouse is not a voodoo doll. Violence won’t help.

Helldesk Jokes - Why is the Firewall named Karen?

Q: Why is the firewall named Karen?

A: Because it blocks everything and demands to speak to your manager!

Rule Number 26 - The Wizard Hat Clause

Rule Number 26 - The Wizard Hat Clause - www.helldeskrules.com [X]

If you fix something by accident, claim it was intentional. Bonus points if you mutter “just a little tweak to the registry.”

Never admit you Googled it. You’re a professional..

Helldesk Posters - Ours Is Not To Reason Why

Helldesk Posters - Do Not Offer Snacks To The Firewall

Rule Number 25 - The Juice Box Theory

Rule Number 25 - The Juice Box Theory - www.helldeskrules.com [X]

Users are like toddlers. They want everything fixed instantly, and they will spill data everywhere.

Always keep backups. And wet wipes.

Helldesk Rules Tarot Cards - The Escalation Demon

Helldesk Posters - Do Not Make Eye Contact With Support Staff

Rule Number 24 - The Law of Infinite Tabs

Rule Number 24 - The Law of Infinite Tabs - www.helldeskrules.com [X]

If you have fewer than 12 browser tabs open, you’re not really working. You’re pretending.

The tab with the solution is always the one you closed five minutes ago.